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1. I love my friend Jill, who was describing to me a friend she recently saw for the first time in several years:

J: I worked together with him at a summer theatre a few years ago, and when we were there there was some, er --

N: Sexual tension?

J: Sexual congress.

Which I envy especially because it's something I wouldn't have done, and if I had, wouldn't have mentioned, and if I did, wouldn't have been able to describe nearly so snappily.


2. I'm not sure I would have survived last Sunday if it hadn't been that thing of beauty, the twenty-five hour day that granted me an extra sixty minutes of sleep. Someone was telling me something that happened at their Halloween party "around one" and it wasn't until later that it occurred to me I could have asked "Which one?" I kind of wonder what policemen and such do to record things that happened in that hour of grace.


3. This is my current YouTube obsession (as you may be noticing, they change with unfortunate frequency):



When was the last time someone came up with something genuinely innovative to do with an orchestral instrument? Pretty amazing. I looked on his website to see if he was playing any NYC venues, and it turns out his NYC venue is THE SUBWAY. Reasons to love the city: NYC is awesome and replete with talent. Reasons to hate the city: gross oversaturation drives talented performers underground, in several senses.
 
 
 
 
 
 
This is my latest YouTube revelation:



It's kind of amazing. Her ear for harmony is awesome and they're right, that progression in the chorus is something else. The singer only has about five notes -- boring ones, do-re-mi-fa-sol, but the bass line is from another planet, chromatic and menacing, and when it suddenly evaporates it's like the sun coming out.

Two things about this version bother me, though: their avoidance of the bridge (not that "to infinity and beyond" isn't a completely abysmal lyric, but I don't think you can ironically undercut a song like that as you're singing it) and the modification of the lyrics to make them whiter: sanitizing "don't be mad once you see that he want it" into "wants it," for example -- which not incidentally ruins the couplet "on it/want it," a perfect rhyme in Beyoncé's version.) Not that going to call cultural appropriation on this video -- like I said, I totally love it, and I think the medium they're creating with these covers is brilliant. But I don't think it's trivial that one of the YouTube comments was "This video helps explain why I hate all white people."

Things in the city have been uneventful: I wander around going to shows (which I am going to start writing up at some point . . .) and candlelit by-donation classes at Yoga to the People in the East Village. I also spend a lot of time developing my New Yorker magic powers, such as the ability to render homeless people invisible and issue prompt derisive comebacks whenever New Jersey is mentioned.

Yesterday I got to go to Philadelphia to play a gig accompanying Simply Barbra at a casino, which was a lot of fun but less of a break than it sounds like since I got it only because a good friend of "Barbra" happens to be a regular at the bagel store. But he might potentially use me again, which would be exciting. The highlight of the day was actually while I was wandering the streets of Philly; I ended up in this big old brownstone cathedral [cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul -- ed.], where, sneaking up to the organ loft, I met a kindly old gentleman who was kind enough to let me spend ten minutes playing with his giant old four-manual organ, which was AMAZING. It was fun talking to the guy, too; apparently his diocese or whatever doesn't treat musicians very well, and will do things like uninstalling bits of organ because they "don't look good," without consulting him, rendering whole rows of stops nonfunctional.

Disregard for future generations was kind fo a theme of my day: I'd taken the train that morning from Penn Station, which used to be one of the architectural highlights of the city until it was torn down in 1963 to make way for the glitzy sterility of Madison Square Garden. The new station is hidden underneath MSG, and it's frankly hideous: windowless, with ceilings low enough to touch, and all very scrubbed and well-lit in a bleached, soulless sort of sort way: like being inside a Hopper painting, or a Wal-Mart at night. Our driver in Philadelphia was telling us about how in the last few years a lot of the historic colonial buildings have gone the same route. I could probably think of a pithy concluding thought for this paragraph if I worked for a few minutes, but I opened the store this morning and ought to be in bed.
 
 
 
 
 
 
There is a box in the basement of the bagel store that says OATS. In these huge no-nonsense Arial Black caps that take up most of the side of the box. Let me see if I can demonstrate:



OATS

Why is this box is trying so hard? It may be hard to respect, but you sure have to honor its badassery. You'd better watch out, 'cause when you open this box you're gonna be getting some fucking OATS.

Next to that is a big box of Sweet n' Low packets. The slogan on the box: " ...It's Expected!" With the ellipsis. Like maybe they were trying to think of a compelling reason to buy a big box of Sweet n' Low, except, oh, wait, there isn't one. So they settled instead for telling you that everyone else expects you to buy a big box o' Sweet n' Low. I hope I someday invent something that becomes so thoughtlessly ubiquitous. You can just see the commercial: wife presents houseguests with coffee and Splenda/Equal/Domino, but when she turns her back they smile sadly and shake their heads and exchange knowing glances: she didn't realize that they were expecting a big-ass box of

SWEET AND LOW
 
 
 
 
 
 
New apartment! Currently ensconced in my charming new room on 30th Avenue in Astoria. It's petite! It's puce! It's pentagonal*! The apartment is shared with two kindly artistic types who are reserved, but clean, and whose names rhyme. One of them is also a pianist, so there is a baby grand piano in the living room, which, not gonna lie, is 80% of the reason I responded to the Craigslist ad. These are heady times we live in, people.

* Some might describe it as a square room with several square feet sliced off the northwest corner, but it is pentagonal nonetheless!

In the last year I've had two roommates who constantly purchased more bananas than they could actually eat. Not just once, but chronically, week after week. Not only is this practice uneconomical, it's psychologically revealing! The habitual banana over-indulger exhibits a sort of desultory health-consciousness coupled with either a total lack of self-awareness or, more often, the helpless belief that, yes, although we had to make banana bread the last three times, this week will be different; I will do better. I think it's kind of tragic, if only by analogy, since I know people who enter relationships with the same level of retrospection as these people buy bananas.

I was at the library yesterday when this lady approached me and asked me if I was on line. Online? Internet usage survey? Black marketeer trying to interest me in an iPhone? And then I remembered that New Yorkers, for some perverse reason, say "on line" instead of "in line" and no, I was just standing suspiciously close to the end of checkout queue. I find this usage obnoxious, if only because I associate it with my manager encouraging me to shout "Can I help the next person on line?" from behind the register. I can't bring myself to do it; to me, "waiting on line" is something you do when your modem is really slow.

Back in April I remember this guy came up to me when I was behind the register and wordlessly held out a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich for my inspection.

ME: Um . . .
HE: Look!
ME: Um, I don't . . .
HE: There's a hair in there.

And it transpired that, yes, there was indeed a dark hair in the sandwich. I then realized detachedly that this was the point where I was expected to abase myself with a show of dismay and regret and then shower him with free food. It was an embarrassing moment, although I'm pretty sure my manager must have stepped in because I don't remember actually doing anything demeaning, just feeling obligated to. Not that, if I were in a restaurant and found, like, a piece of glass in my food or something, I wouldn't expect the server to react with paroxysms of apologetic horror and then all but throw a parade to atone for it -- but that's waiting tables, and let's face it, as a cashier, I am not tipped enough to deal with that shit.

Around the same time I was waiting for a transfer in Queens Plaza, and across the platform from me was this woman with a child in a stroller who could not have been more than two years old, and her method of keeping him entertained was to interrogate him. She would ask him what was clearly an established series of questions without varying her creepy monotone, and if the child didn't mumble in response she would repeat the question until he did. Eventually I just started transcribing the catechism because it was so freaky:

"When was the Battle of Hastings?"
"Why were the Jews blamed for the Bubonic plague?"
"Who was responsible for the theory of evolution?"
"Darwin and who?"
"Who were the five wives of Henry VIII?"
"Which was the only one who lived?"
"Which was the only woman he ever loved?"
"What happened to the first wife?"
"What happened to the second wife?"
"On what grounds was she executed?"
"Incest and what?"

Anyway, I feel bad for the child, but I enjoyed this incident mostly because a nearby British tourist couple and I ended up exchanging a lot of incredulous glances at her expense.
 
 
 
 
 
 
We closed Sisters of Swing yesterday. The show wound up selling better than the box office people expected -- our run was extended twice -- and it helped a lot that the room was filled with white-haired folk who cried at the appropriate places, cheered when we started "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," and came up to us every night to tell us about the memories the show had brought back, which was really sweet to hear, since we had all gone into this expecting to underwhelm since the songs are classic but the book was, frankly, kind of stupid. Sample dialogue:

MAXENE: I tried to tell you, but . . .
LAVERNE: Yeah, but you didn't. And that's what hurts.
PATTY: And it did. (launches into monologue)

Anyway, I spent this afternoon in the impossibly quaint town of Twain Harte, California (which is in reality named after Californian authors Mark Twain and Bret Harte but which I prefer to imagine arises from some sort of Ye Olde Tyme Harlequin romance, e.g. "Alack, fair Edward hath cleft my harte in twain!") playing mini golf and saying goodbye to our last cast member, who leaves tomorrow morning.

This cast was a pretty special thing; I don't think I've ever been so sorry to see a show end, which is pretty crazy considering we did it forty-two times. It was just the three Andrews Sisters, one other guy (who plays everybody else), and me. Five kind of neurotic, not particularly social people who worked really hard to make this a show worth seeing, and got really close in the process.

I'm going to miss this theatre. It was started thirty years ago by five theatre kids just out of college who decided to create a professional theatre in the middle of nowhere. One of them was our stage manager for this show, another our producer, another our managing director, etc. It's year-round, so it's one of the only places I've ever heard of where it's possible to make a real, stable living in theatre. One of the company actors has been here for over twenty years. It's a weird little artistic oasis, and that, added to the fact that our casting was pretty haphazard (no one had heard me play a note when I got the contract; one of the actresses was hired based on Youtube videos) gave this whole thing a weird destiny-like aura. At least, it felt that way at the half hour call for our last show when the other guy in the cast made us all stand in a circle holding hands and made a little speech of which I remember nothing except the line "I don't know when five strangers became an ensemble . . . " because I think that was when we all completely lost it.

And then we struck and I drove directly to rehearsal for the next show, which is a pretty good cure for debilitating nostalgia. That and wasting time on the internet looking at weird hypnotic mathematical music boxes or fallen Disney princesses.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I wouldn't normally describe myself as accident-prone, but here is a list of places on my body I managed to draw blood from yesterday, in chronological order:

1. left big toe: tripped on enormous stick lying on side of road on way to car.

2. right big toe: went for sustain pedal on piano in rehearsal space, missed.

3. right thumb: left oil unattended on burner while I turned my back to slice eggplant, turned around to discover big smoky mess. Dumping now-carcinogenic olive oil, discovered that horrible blackened mess left inside my hosts' expensive copper-bottomed frying pan would not come out. Rooting under the cabinets uncovered GOD'S GIFT TO MANKIND, Barkeepers Friend, which, after an hour of scouring, yielded a beautiful pan shinier even than before the oil incident. Unfortunately my scrubbing was so enthusiastic I wore right through the skin at the tip of my thumbnail.

4. left thumb: inadvertently took off a teeny slice of thumb in the course a little après-dîner potato peeler cleanage

Lessons I don't learn: don't wear flip-flops, don't cook.

I don't know if anyone else here is into computer games, but I got a kick out of these:

Portal )

Braid )

So. Things that are thematically sound make me happy. Good games and symmetrical flesh wounds both. Also, cake.
 
 
 
 
 
 
At the top of the (short) list of verbs I hate: kvetch. I may be hypersensitive, but isn't this just "complain" + Jewish slur? Kind of like how mince to me conveys "walk" + "I hate gay people."

My dispatch today comes from California. The town is teeny and a little bit hickish, but this is more than made up for by the gentility of the older gay couple who are hosting me for the duration of my stay here, study-abroad style. We have wine, fruit, and cheese in the afternoons and talk about opera. They, together with the local abundance of natural awesomeness (today I went to the creatively named Big Trees State Park and hugged some giant sequoias), make up for the fact that we are pretty much the sum total of cultural happenings for miles and miles around.

The theater is small and the audiences advanced in years, but it's all very historical and our "worshipful" production of Sisters of Swing, which opened last week, has gone down well so far; I've been asked to stay on and music-direct Damn Yankees after our show closes at the end of June. They'll be tracking the show (i.e. using canned music), a practice I normally loathe, but it does mean I won't have to stay for the run of the show, and in July can move on to wherever it is I'm going after this. Not that I'm especially eager to figure out where that might be (Plan A at the moment is Back to Bagels, but that means finding housing in New York, and whenever I think about doing that I suddenly feel very sleepy).

Speaking of the future, when I first read this xkcd a while back, when I was applying to grad schools, I got kind of a pang in my stomach, but it's a little bit of a relief to me to discover that there are no lighthouse-keepers anymore; the last one died in 2003. It's ironic because in the attached NPR interview he talks about how being a lighthouse-keeper is lonely and not romantic at all, and how irritating it is when tourists come knocking thinking lighthouse-keeping is paradise on earth.

I need another link to balance this entry out: Train is a board game that kind of made me rethink what a board game can do -- it's effectively about the moment when you decide to stop playing, which I think makes it almost a work of art rather than a game.

Oh, and the rule is that if you're reading this and have graduated within the last two weeks, you have to update me. You don't have to do a full LJ update, but at least post a comment so I know what state you're in, or how your exotic Caribbean cruise went.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I've been falling behind on my classics, so this week when I went to the Mid-Manhattan library and realized that the new Zoë Heller book had over two hundred holds on it, I decided to do a little catching up.

Hence, The Country of the Pointed Firs, by Sarah Orne Jewett, which is about a writer who goes to spend a summer in a village on the coast of rural Maine, and the people one finds there. Structurally it’s basically a series of vignettes; there really isn’t any plot, just good storytelling. Good stuff. I mean, on one level it's a little trying because it is quite sentimental, and the language describing the landscape and even the simple country folk gets pretty overtly romantic. But it stopped bothering me because there’s something else there—the whole book is infused with a slow sense of melancholy that’s never made explicit but is definitely present; most of the characters are old and physically isolated from everyone else, and there are all these quiet but gorgeous images: women going to live alone on isolated islands, sailors whose wives have died and left them alone with their memories. I felt proud to be a New Englander, and it’s clear that Jewett does too.

But what I ended up finding even more interesting was another novel that was bound up with it in the same volume. A Country Doctor is about a young girl who decides to enter the medical profession. Absolutely no one around her thinks this is a good idea. Conflict! There are some pretty amazing insights on people’s attitude toward men vs. women deciding to enter a career, use of "strong-minded" as an insult towards a woman, etc. As the main character constantly has to explain, she would never advise entering a profession in lieu of marriage to everyone, but she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that to do so is absolutely right for her. I was reading the inside front cover before I started the book and found myself wondering why it's necessary to forego marriage to be a doctor: why can't she marry too? The way the book answers this is pretty fascinating.

The most amazing thing, for me, is when the book was published: 1884. I.e., thirty-six years before women's suffrage, and much earlier even than that more famous yes-a-girl-can-be-as-good-as-a-boy treatise, Anne of Green Gables (1908), which, incidentally, is way the hell more conservative than this, since Anne eventually settles down, gets herself a feller, and gets down to bearing tons of children. Tangent: I don't know if anyone else like me was stubborn and read through all eight books out of sheer mulishness, but for me they went downhill really fast after the second book, when fricking Gilbert Blythe becomes a major part of the story and Anne grows out of having a personality. When she told Marilla she found herself not wanting to use big words anymore, that was it for me.

Not that A Country Doctor is perfect. It's slow in parts, especially at the beginning, when for lack of anywhere else to start it opens describing the activities of the main character's mother at the end of her pregnancy. I have to avoid the temptation to skip pages when authors start with their protagonist's birth, because it usually means way more information about the parents than you ever wanted followed by a clunky series of flash-forwards, which is kind of what happens. There's also a scene--actually the analogue of a scene in Anne of Green Gables, now that I think about it--where a neighbor does something horrible to his shoulder, and Nan, as the first on the scene, singlehandedly pops the bone right back in the socket and saves the day. This scared me a little bit, and I wish it had been built up more: I mean, what if you misread the situation and ended up making it worse? Surely your dreams of a medical career come to an end right there. So that scene bothered me because no one seemed to realize what was at stake.

Sarah Orne Jewett never married herself, so I think there’s a little bit of autobiography here. She also lived with a woman for the last half of her life, which I guess has given rise to some speculation, but if there is a queer sensibility in A Country Doctor it's not in the strong bonds depicted between women or in the protagonist's conscious choice never to marry, but in this idea that choosing a career enables the protagonist to opt out of the entire paradigm, the entire list of Things It Is Right for a Woman to Do, and her perception and acceptance of the fact that she is different from other women for wanting to do this.

In short, awesome. Ideological commitment, historical insights (women could go to medical school in 1884! Who knew? Although this element of the plot gets a little hazy—we cut away the second she leaves for medical school, so I guess the author didn’t really want to get into describing what might have happened there, which is too bad since I’m sure it would have been interesting), good fun. She should be up there with Hawthorne and Dickinson.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Why, that's today! Hence, a boring update:

I am here in New York City, entering week two of the search for something to keep me solvent until May or so. I had an interview to be a pianist for a vocal coach -- I thought she sounded kind of old on the phone, and indeed it turned out she was eighty-five and in a wheelchair, but she was anxious to reassure me that no, she isn't normally; it's just that she fell down last week. Also I might start working in a piano bar if I can get up the courage to actually attend my interview. This week I am sort of focusing on my sister and all the other lovely people descending on our apartment this week. But I do feel more at home here than I would have expected: last week I went out to a cabaret with one of my roommates and the guy sitting across from us at the reception turned out to be an out-of-work Broadway actor who gave me literally about three pages of ideas of things to hit up for jobs when I called him later, which was pretty cool/lucky.

Other than that, enjoying wandering the intricacies of the subway system (I peruse the map about twenty times a day), and most nights I enjoy entering lotteries for cheap front-row tickets and losing. Y'all may have heard of the Broadway cataclysm in January, during which like half the shows that were then running closed. In its wake, here is a list of all eighteen musicals that are currently running on Broadway, or else opening within the next month or so:

Disney musicals
The Lion King
The Little Mermaid
Mary Poppins


Revivals—famous shows that have been made into movie musicals and thus are extremely familiar to the American public
Chicago
Guys and Dolls
Hair
South Pacific
West Side Story


Jukebox Musicals—i.e., the tourists already know the music
9 to 5 (Dolly Parton songs)
Jersey Boys (Easy-listening from the ’60s)
Mamma Mia (ABBA)
Rock of Ages (’80s hair rock)

Quasi-Disney musicals
Billy Elliott (music is original, but by Elton John, who wrote Lion King as well as Aida and thus embodies the easily-digestible Disney sound)
Shrek the Musical (based on Dreamworks movie)

Leaving us with . . . ugh, four shows. Phantom of the Opera, which, at 22 years old, doesn't really count because a) it's been on Broadway so long it’s practically an institution and b) it's a movie now so it's practically its own revival. Avenue Q and Wicked are delightfully iconoclastic shows, both with original music, one based on a novel and the other entirely original. The only other one is In the Heights, last year’s best musical Tony winner, which worked its way up to Broadway the old-fashioned, rags-to-riches way, but the fact that this story is so constantly retold sort of highlights the fact that that trajectory is kind of getting to be an anomaly.

Okay, I'm going to Penn Station to pick up Molly! Happy spring break to the college types.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I can never bring myself to write the word poseur because its reassuringly proletarian meaning is totally undermined by its pretentious French spelling. It'd be like calling someone a fuckeure, or a skanque.

Math! What? )

Some crappy show I don't even know what it is )

Mansfield Park )
 
 
 
 
 
 
Best books of 2009!

 
 
 
 
 
 
Linguistic quirks I am totally adopting:

1) The suffix "-- the musical!", denoting a franchise that has totally sold out

2) The prefix "Mc," denoting a hugely over-commercialized entity

3) The phrase "almost pornographic," which turns out to be much more widely applicable than I would have thought

I'm sorry these reviews have all been mostly negative. I declare I'm becoming quite curmudgeonly in my dotage.

Mamma Mia )

Sweeney Todd )